Like the woman you mentioned, my wife had become a new creation.
But it was still a painful challenge to deal with the knowledge of her past. Then, there was the let-down of having waited that long to give myself entirely to someone, and wanting her to share the experience of the wedding night as totally unique. One reason why these thoughts keep coming to mind for you is probably because you are trying to push them out of your mind without dealing with them.
When You Are a Virgin, but the Girl is Not
Sweeping them under the rug will allow them to continue bothering you. As I see it, the solution is not to repress these thoughts but to deal with them by accepting them and lifting them up. Whenever you have these troubling thoughts, take the following steps:.
Act against feelings of bitterness and hurt by thanking God for bringing her out of that lifestyle. This will help to keep resentment from infecting your relationship. She just made some poor choices, and most likely regrets them. Remember that resentment is a choice, not just an emotion. You need to actively reject and uproot it.
Instead of dwelling on her past and moping over it, lift those thoughts to God when they come to mind. When you begin to think of her previous actions and relationships, take that as a reminder to pray for the healing of her memories and for the conversion of the men she dated.
You need to realize the good that the Lord can do through it. Use your suffering to bring grace to others. This step is very important. Every time a memory comes to mind, I want you to pray for her healing and for their conversions.
In other words, let the pain become a prayer. Resolve to lead a pure life with her.
This will infect the wound in your relationship and intensify your insecurities because it will make the thoughts of her past become more visual in your imagination. If the relationship is heading toward marriage, do not be afraid to talk to her about the struggle you are having. It is better that these issues come to the surface before marriage than within marriage.
If you do not feel ready for this, perhaps you can speak with a priest or some other counselor you respect without betraying her trust. However, remember that good relationships require open and honest communication. When you bring up your concerns, make sure not to blame her for the past, but rather express the fact that you want to work through this issue together. Never, ever, hold this over her or use it against her. As though our sins were more powerful than the blood that He shed. Pride is also at the root of a heart who cannot forgive another for the sins committed against them.
Like the story of the unforgiving servant, in the book of Matthew chapter 18, who had an enormous debt wiped out yet still could not manage to forgive the debt of his own servant.
If you cannot learn to love your partner by covering them in grace, than purity of body has taken priority over purity of heart. If I remember correctly, Jesus always looks at the heart John 8: Ask any Christ-centered married couple in which one or both partners have dabbled in the world of sexuality outside of marriage and they will be able to point to the consequences of that behavior somewhere in their relationship. That said- anyone who enters into marriage brings their own list of things to work through, whether it be a sexual past, family problems, past sins, spending habits, communication deficits, and on and on and on.
Who of us is perfect when it comes to purity of the mind, body, and soul? Though these things may have an effect on our relationship, it is up to us whether or not we allow these effects to bring us into relational blessings or relational struggles. When it comes to purity, I think it would do us all good to remind ourselves to look at the big picture.
There is no doubt that Jesus calls us to live a life of sexual purity. He loves relationships, and he wants us to go into them with as little baggage and pain as possible because He knows the difficulties that come when two flawed human beings are made to become one. Originally Posted by Govithoy. I wouldn't have a problem dating a virgin.
Are any of you non-virgins dating a virgin?
A lot of girls just haven't found a decent guy before, not every virgin is a chastity belt toting "I'm waiting till marriage" bible thumper. Originally Posted by gogz. Originally Posted by 2coop. Been going out for 2 months b How long do you think you'll be able to hold out not having intercourse?
When You Are a Virgin, but the Girl is Not
Not really a problem yet c have you talked about it with her? We're going to wait until she is ready d Is she virgin because she hasn't found anybody yet or virgin because of virgin-til-marriage shindig? Bookmarks Bookmarks Digg del.
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